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since June 19, 2001


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Dale O'Leary

We find ourselves in a situation where homosexual activists are asking the members of religious groups to change their 4,000-year-old beliefs about sexual morality and when the believers answer that they are not authorized to make such changes in God-revealed teachings, the homosexual activists accuse them of "hate."

It doesn't matter how gently the words are spoken or how carefully the message is phrased, the homosexual activists only hear "hate."

Christians and Jews need to understand why. First, homosexuality is, in the vast majority of cases, the result of a development disorder, specifically the failure to identify strongly with one's own sex during childhood. Such identification normally takes place at about 18 months of age. Some homosexuals as children wanted to be other sex or pretended to be the other sex, while others simply felt "different" from their same-sex parent and peers.

In a substantial number of cases, the child's relationship with the father was either seriously deficient or pathological. Not having a positive, healthy relationship with one's father effects the way a person deals with authority, rules, and rejection. Every time the unhealed adult homosexual feels rejection, faces discipline, or is confronted with rules he remembers the pain of his relationship with his father. He transfers his feelings toward his father to those who oppose him and screams in pain "You hate me, you hate me."

The only real solution in these cases is for homosexual attracted persons to forgive their fathers and to be reconciled with their father God. Until that happens we cannot take their anger personally. We must speak clearly about the need for healing and repentance -- but remember that the sexual sin is the fruit of a developmental disorder and in many cases the first sin that must be repented of is the sin of resentment.

I had an opportunity to see this work with a woman who had been involved in lesbian activity. While the healing process was long and difficult, it began when she forgave her parents. From that moment on, she never returned to the same-sex activity.

Poor parent/child relationships are not the only cause of failure to identify with the same-sex. Some boys are teased in early childhood. Sometimes separation at a crucial development moment can lead to a failure to identify.

Unfortunately, we have often compounded the problem by acting as though homosexually active persons are not real men and real women. We need to remind ourselves that their behavior does not change their essential nature. They are real men and real women who as small children accepted the lie that they were different. We need to believe that they are the essentially the same as us, so that we can help them find their way out of the lies in which have been trapped. And of course we need to pray for them.

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From Dale's Disk, hate.rtf - Nov. 1999
Formatted in HTML 2000 11 03 —WHS