WHY HOMOSEXUALS THINK WE HATE THEM
By
Dale O'Leary
We find ourselves in a situation where homosexual activists are asking the members of
religious groups to change their 4,000-year-old beliefs about sexual morality and when the
believers answer that they are not authorized to make such changes in God-revealed
teachings, the homosexual activists accuse them of "hate."
It doesn't matter how gently the words are spoken or how carefully the message is
phrased, the homosexual activists only hear "hate."
Christians and Jews need to understand why. First, homosexuality is, in the vast
majority of cases, the result of a development disorder, specifically the failure to
identify strongly with one's own sex during childhood. Such identification normally takes
place at about 18 months of age. Some homosexuals as children wanted to be other sex or
pretended to be the other sex, while others simply felt "different" from their
same-sex parent and peers.
In a substantial number of cases, the child's relationship with the father was either
seriously deficient or pathological. Not having a positive, healthy relationship with
one's father effects the way a person deals with authority, rules, and rejection. Every
time the unhealed adult homosexual feels rejection, faces discipline, or is confronted
with rules he remembers the pain of his relationship with his father. He transfers his
feelings toward his father to those who oppose him and screams in pain "You hate me,
you hate me."
The only real solution in these cases is for homosexual attracted persons to forgive
their fathers and to be reconciled with their father God. Until that happens we cannot
take their anger personally. We must speak clearly about the need for healing and
repentance -- but remember that the sexual sin is the fruit of a developmental disorder
and in many cases the first sin that must be repented of is the sin of resentment.
I had an opportunity to see this work with a woman who had been involved in lesbian
activity. While the healing process was long and difficult, it began when she forgave her
parents. From that moment on, she never returned to the same-sex activity.
Poor parent/child relationships are not the only cause of failure to identify with the
same-sex. Some boys are teased in early childhood. Sometimes separation at a crucial
development moment can lead to a failure to identify.
Unfortunately, we have often compounded the problem by acting as though homosexually
active persons are not real men and real women. We need to remind ourselves that their
behavior does not change their essential nature. They are real men and real women who as
small children accepted the lie that they were different. We need to believe that they are
the essentially the same as us, so that we can help them find their way out of the lies in
which have been trapped. And of course we need to pray for them.
