Understanding homophobia.
By
Dale O'Leary
Pro-family advocates who confront the
homosexual agenda are often accused of being
"homophobes" or engaging in "hate speech." Since they know themselves
to be innocent of these charges, they may fail to understand the origin of the accusations
and therefore respond unproductively.
First, homosexuality is a development disorder which leads
to disordered behaviors. In the vast majority of cases the temptation toward homosexuality
is not freely chosen, but the result of unmet childhood needs.
Homosexual men overwhelmingly remember their fathers as hostile and/or detached or in
some other ways as inadequate role models. Their mothers did not for various reasons
sufficiently affirm their sons' masculine identity. For example, a mother may not have
realized that in constantly disparaging her husband's behavior, she disparaged masculinity
in her son's eyes. In communicated to her son the message, "I am so glad you are not
a man like your father," she may have unintentionally given her son the message:
"My mother will love me only if I am not a man." In addition -- and this appears
to be crucial -- these boys did not develop healthy (non-sexual) relationships with their
peers.
Growing up with unmet needs for masculine affirmation, these
boys sought masculine love and were seduced into accepting sex with men as a substitute.
Unfortunately, the current debate over homosexuality recreates this destructive
pattern:
- The conservative pro-family advocates remind the adult homosexual man of his father
— hostile and rejecting.
- The liberals are very like the mother, who -- rather than affirming her son's essential
masculinity -- convinces him that he is different and that his father doesn't understand
him. The liberals tell homosexual men that they aren't real men, but something different
and that the conservatives hate them.
- In addition, homosexual man sees the organized opposition to gay rights legislation as a
continuation of the rejection he experienced as a boy.
- In the face of all this he cries out in anger "You hate me" and in pain
"Please accept me."
While the liberals think they are accepting the homosexuals with compassion, by making
"homophobia" the issue they are forcing the homosexuals to relive the rejection
they experienced as children.
Homosexual men need to be reconciled with their fathers, through the mediation of a
mother who affirms their masculinity, and accepted into the fellowship of men.
The pro-family movement must dedicate itself to affecting this reconciliation.
Pro-family women must be out in front, as the reconciling mothers who say to the
homosexual men, "You are not something else, you are real men. Come with me and I
will bring you to the father and to your brothers." Pro-family men must be willing to
welcome homosexual men into fellowship and friendship.
The problems of homosexual women are somewhat different. Some homosexual women feel
threatened by men in general and father-figures in particular. Some had mothers who were
unable to protect them or to provide a positive model of womanhood. Pro-family women need
to function as strong role models and to help the homosexual women reconcile with the
father.
As I read through case histories, I am amazed how many people have come out of
homosexuality because some one — often a woman — witnessed to them that the love
of God could set them free.
All this begins with prayer, individual and corporate, for homosexual persons. We have
to believe that God loves them and wants them to be the men and women he created them to
be, before we can help them to see that healing and freedom are possible. Young people
need to be recruited into this effort, encouraged to pray for their classmates, and taught
that teasing and harassment can cause a vulnerable peer to become locked into
homosexuality.
Ours must be a proactive response. We must make it clear that we love homosexual
persons, more than those who "accept" them, because we want to see them set free
and the "acceptors" want to keep them unfree.
Prayer for men and women suffering from homosexual temptations
Dear Father in heaven, we beg you to have mercy on the men and women who are suffering
from homosexual temptations. None of us chooses our temptations, and only through Your
grace can anyone resist temptation.
Forgive us Father for not being there for these men and women, for not offering them
help and hope, for making them afraid to share their problems, for making them feel
unloved, for not making the search for effective treatment and prevention a priority.
Help them loving Father to forgive those who have hurt them, to have the fortitude to
face their problem and seek help, and to persevere in spite of temptations, Let them know
that real freedom is possible, that You love them no matter what they have done. Help them
to become the men and women You created them to be.
We pray for their parents, their families and their communities that as they struggle
they will have the support of people who can speak the truth with love and who believe in
their potential for recover.
We pray for the children that they will be protected from lies, half truths, and
temptations and from those who would seduce or molest them. Dearest Father, look with
special tenderness on all the children who have been molested, heal their pain, and make
them whole again. In Jesus name we pray, Our Father...
