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Advice to Men

In Memory of Allen Wells

This set of web pages for Allen Wells has been recreated from web pages archived at http://web.archive.org

Key Page for Allen Wells

Allen Wells Recaps his Story

No date given but circa mid Oct 90

Allen Wells Recaps his Story

Forgive me if I'm in a sour mood - but I just heard the latest in my ongoing (2+ years and counting) divorce.

I was looking forward to picking my son up this weekend - for the first time I have seen him in 7 months. I had it all arranged and cleared with my ex (in writing, of course).

It seems that this morning she managed to have a warrant issued for my arrest. If I step foot in the state of NH, I will be put in jail. I have no doubt that she will have the marshall waiting for me if I show up to see my son on Friday.

The way she did it was rather amusing. They took a matter for which a judge had specifically decided NOT to put me into contempt (mainly because it was a reaction to her violation of court orders which she HAD been in contempt for). They managed to get an expedited hearing in front of a different judge at a time my lawyer could not make it. The court turned down a written plea from my lawyer for a rescheduling, and ordered me jailed in a hearing that my lawyer wasn't even at. (If you're interested, see history below.)

My lawyer assures me that this is so irregular and absurd that he should have no problem overturning it - but not before Friday. So, all my hopes for seeing my son (not to mention the non-refundable plane ticket) are down the drain. I knew it was too good to be true.

I'm hoping my lawyer can undo the arrest order before they can convert it into an arrest warrent here in WA. God, it was a good thing I decided to move away ... otherwise I'd be in jail now ...



After 1.5 years of incredibly strained visitation punctuated by bouts of violence (car windshield bashed in, physical assault, etc), I decided I had to get some distance between me and my ex. After a nation-wide job search, I take the best offer I get. Unfortunately, it is a 25% cut in pay. Since I was already paying over half of my take-home in 'temporary' support, I applied for a 'change in circumstances'.


The court refuses to give an expedited hearing. At the hearing in April, the court claims I am voluntarily underemployed (thus my previous salary should be used in support calculations - they discount my claims of abuse because, after all, they don't believe my ex ever abused me ...), but realizes I can't continue to pay that level of support (mortgage and costs of the marital home plus $600/month). The court orders that the marital home immediately be sold, and that my ex co-operate fully in the sale of the home.

My ex refuses to even let a broker into the house to do an appraisal. My lawyer files for a contempt citation. Her laywer files for a reconsideration. I stop paying the mortgage as of June (I didn't have the money). Her lawyer files for a contempt citation based on my non-payment. They ask to have me jailed.


The court refuses to give an expedited hearing. In July, the same judge hears the motions. My ex is charged with contempt for violating the court order and ordered again to cooperate with the sale of the home. Her motion to reconsider is denied. Her motion to put me in contempt is denied.

She continues to refuse to allow a broker into the house. I continue to not pay the mortgage. She files for ANOTHER reconsideration (with no new evidence or claims). We file another motion for contempt. She files another motion for contempt based on non-payment. They ask to have me jailed again.


The court refuses to give an expedited hearing. The same judge hears the motions again. This time, she (the judge) decides that December (the final divorce date) is close enough that she vacates (nullifies) the order to sell the house, saying it will be decided at the final divorce date. The contempt of court is lifted. Motions to put both of us in contempt were denied.

October 17

Her lawyer files for contempt against me again, yet again asking that I be jailed. He gets an expedited hearing (the normal delay for a hearing would put it beyond our December trial) on a date my lawyer cannot make. My lawyer asks for a rescheduling (generally a routine matter). The court denies the rescheduling. Her laywer (without my lawyer present) gets the court to issue a warrant for my arrest.

Other Motions

The only other matters muddying the waters were my motions complaining about my inability to talk to my son on the phone, and asking for court ordered phone visitation times (granted - I get to talk to him every Sunday at 8PM), my motion complaining that my ex was only honoring my phone visitation about 1/2-2/3 of the time (not granted), and my request (based on the recommendations of the Guardian) that my son have a psych evaluation (granted, though my ex is not co-operating with the order). All of these were opposed by my ex.


In April, my ex was ordered to sell the house. In June, I stop paying the mortgage because she wasn't selling the house and I was out of money. Despite repeated court motions and being put into contempt, no action is taken against my ex. Without even being put into contempt first, I have a warrent for my arrest issued at a hearing where I have no representation and my side is not heard.

The funny thing is that the house is going into forclosure anyway. There is no way that my ex can afford to keep the place, even if she gets child support based on my old income (she is counting on alimony on top of it - I hope she is deluded ...). If she HAD co-operated in the immediate sale of the house, we probably could have paid off the mortgage and maybe had a few $$ left over (not many). However, the real estate market has been plunging there, and even if I won the lottery and paid off the back mortgage, it couldn't be sold for the outstanding debt any more. Of course, she doesn't care. Her name isn't on the mortgage so it isn't her credit rating that is being trashed ... she figures all of this is worth while if it keeps her in the house for a few extra months rent free.

If there's anyone out there who still doesn't think the system is biased against men, keep it to yourself for a while. I'm really not in the mood for it ... How many women do YOU know who were beaten by their husbands, yet still have to financially support them after they finally get away? Who have custody of their child given to the person who abused them? Who stay up nights worrying about what is happening to their child now?

---------- "Custer was here for one afternoon. The Indians were here
 Alien | for years." - Barbara Booher, overseer of Last Stand Hill
---------- and the Custer Battlefield National Monument

Allen Wells on paternity tests

Posted 2006 09 04